New Experiences

So, last post I wrote about becoming strangers in a long distance relationship and now I’ll tell you guys about a person I met whom I’ve become keen on. Storm and I have been trying to fix a broken relationship but it has become increasingly difficult due to the distance in between us; both literally and emotionally. He recently returned from a trip and all he said was “thanks for your concern, the waters were rough, back in Tinian now.” I don’t know what is going on between us and I haven’t for a very long time now, but I’ve become tired of always being the one investing tears and thoughts into it.

Have you ever become interested in someone you thought was NEVER in a million years your type? What is it about those relationships that throw you off and make the interactions even more awkward? Usually when it comes to dating, I’m a confident woman. Not because I think I’m the hot shit, but because men are easy to read and I am a straight forward person. If I like you, we move on, if the chemistry isn’t there, then we don’t, easy as that. I’m even good at hiding that giddy feeling you first get when you meet someone. It’s like a damn zoo escaped and is wrestling inside of you. This person though, has me feeling like I’m 14 years old and going on a date for the first time and I know exactly why, but I can’t do a damn thing about it because he is a she.

No, I don’t identify as lesbian or bisexual, but yes I have had a couple kisses with a couple of girls and only one kind-of ‘sexual’ relationship with a woman. I was in college, drunk, and curious; classic stuff. I have never really had sex with a woman (I don’t even know what constitutes as sex in this case), but I did have a sorority sister who I’d hook up with every time we were both drunk. She is one of my best friends to this day and nobody really knows about us but I was never really attracted to her or any other woman in my sober state. I’ve also had lesbians flirt with me and it’s nothing, but this girl here; I cannot stop thinking about her.

We met because I used to be her bartender and she’d always flirt, I would too, but it never went past that. One day I went downtown with some friends and ran into her at a popular spot, obviously I was very inebriated already.  I  made my way to her, and the rest was a blur. We flirted all night, danced and she told me she liked me but never made a move because she never thought she had a chance. We kissed at the end of the night and since that day she has been in my head every damn day. Recently we had a great night; we hung out at a bar, she came home with me, we went night swimming and she spent the night. The whole time I was extremely nervous because everything is so out of my element. W-T-F!!! She kissed me and I stopped her before things got heated because I have NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. I mean yes I have a vagina but what do I do with it? I know it sounds silly but…’s true.

I’m supposed to be seeing her again tonight, this time around her friends. Only a couple of people have seen me with her, but none of my closest friends, which actually doesn’t bother me in the least bit. I sound like a hot mess and so many things have been going on that it just seems right to give myself a chance to be free and do what I want for once. I guess one of the perks to traveling is being able to re-invent yourself and discover who you truly are.

As always, a picture of Prince because he is my sunshine. 

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