I think by the mid to late 20’s the reality of what life actually consists of hits; at least it hit me. It’s not all peaches and cream like I thought so in middle/high school. It’s not as easy to get a great job, buy a house, marry the love of your life and have 3 kids (or a house full of rescue dogs was my dream). Things go sideways and people end up getting fired from a job, get cheated on, can’t have kids, end up homeless, or whatever the case may be.
Sometimes I feel like I’m on top of the world; I have a job, make enough for rent and ice cream, don’t have kids (for me, that’s a good thing), have an awesome dog, and live on a tropical island. Then other times, I feel stuck, like I should be doing much more, but I don’t know what. It feels as if I’m falling behind and I’m not sure if it’s because life on the island is slow or because this happens to people even in big cities. Half of me thinks I should be going to school, getting that Doctorate degree, and work for some big top shot corporation; after all, that is what’s important according to society, right? The other half of me wants to smoke weed with cool hippies all over the world while learning different languages and learning the culture.
The question continues to boggle my head, some days more than others and today is one of those days. What is more important, chasing money in order to buy a home and setting yourself up for a care-free retirement, or grow rich in experiences by living in the moment as if tomorrow was your last day, even if it means living modestly? There seems to be a need to balance between both of them but my heart always chooses to live in the moment regardless of my brain telling it to get a stable 9-5 job with 401K.
Currently, I’m a bartender at one of the many Thai bars on Guam, which turned out to be pretty cool because all the different kinds of people who come by. It’s good, easy, money and even though I’ve tried putting my degree to use, I always end up turning jobs down because the responsibilities are extremely high and the pay is garbage, which is a reflection of Guam’s poorly and corruptly run government.
Last night I interviewed for my dream job; I’d leave everything bad I’m doing now and move in a heartbeat just to have the chance to work there. The only problem is the pending court case against me. I am going to work my ass off to be able to finish my punishment, pay my fines, and get off this rock island in time for Christmas and a chance to interview face to face for this job. My heart will break when I have to send Prince back to my mom, but I plan to send him there in time for her birthday, that way she won’t be so lonely. I’m not sure what twists and turns life has in store for me, hell I spent half of today crying my eyes out because my dad is nowhere to be found, I’m shipping my only friend off island soon, and I have to coordinate the good-byes with my ex lover. How does one even handle all these things in a sane way? Who knows, but when the time comes, I will be ready, but tonight, I plan to put in extra hours at work, make money, take some LSD, and have a good time at my first electric festival on Guam. That’s my way of balancing life at the moment, if anybody has better suggestions, let me know!